Fun Times at BYU-Idaho

The Latin Dance:

My List

These are the things that are helping me with depression:

1. Reading the scriptures (Book of Mormon)
2. Praying everyday
   
3. Alone time
4. Listening to music
5. Thinking positive thoughts about myself (there is a difference between a mistake and a sin and a choice.
6. Socializing (putting myself out there)
7. Exercise (not always at the gym)
8. Writing out my feelings
9. Believing in myself
10. Being my crazy banana-brain self
11. Reading other spiritual materials
12. Laughter
13. Sleep (short naps throughout the day as needed and not feeling guilty about it)

This is a living and growing list.

Learning about The Declaration

I found this on one of my friend's facebook the other day. I emailed it to my American foundations teacher and he liked it. It's really awesome because it's been stuck in my head all day and last night. So, I think that if we were to focus our energy and money and time on writing songs with useful information, our society would be a lot better. : )

Megan is back!

Well, I realize that I haven't written on here for quite some time. I do not feel lost anymore, but at the moment I feel extremely hungry. But I am doing loads better. I'm not sure exactly what happened. I suppose many things have contributed to this 'found' Megan. I am seeing a counselor, once a week and that is great. I'm trying harder to work on my homework, which doesn't always work. I think I need to be constantly reminded for my reason here at BYU-ID. I think what I am enjoying the most is the social life. I never learned any social skills when I was younger, like at that crucial age to learn social skills. On the mission, I learned some social skills, but I was a missionary, so it wasn't the same but it totally helped me out so, so , so much. And now that I am here, at BYU-ID, with so many LDS young adults, the real me, the inside and out me is like wild horses - running free in the soft sunlight in the meadows.

Searching for My Outlet

I've been learning and realizing a lot of things lately. One is my passion for photography. The outside was so beautiful this morning that I took a lot of pictures. Then I was looking at some of my other pictures on this blog and I got all happy inside and remembered something that was lost. Photography is a way for me to express myself. And as I take pictures, I feel whole, complete.

Lost

Hello one and all. So I have been in Idaho, going to school at BYU-ID for the past few weeks. Time is flying by so fast.
Oh please help me. I feel depressed. And I don't want to do hardly anything that I used to like to do. Like reading and studying my scriptures and praying, and hanging out with friends and having fun. I wonder if I am still suffering from the loss of the mission. Maybe I'm seeing that I lost a part of myself. I felt really great on the mission. And I know it's because I was obedient to the rules and commandments required as a missionary. But also I served people every day and I had to push myself; BUT I also had someone right by my side: my 24/7 constant companion. Even though sometimes I really just wanted to be alone or I didn't want to look at their face or I just wanted to get away from them, there are great advantages. 1. You learn to stand up for yourself. 2. You learn to be aware of other people's feelings. 3. You learn to speak up when something is bothering you or if something needs to be addressed. 4. You ALWAYS have someone with you. You get to learn more about each other and you learn to give more. My joy as a missionary came when God's sons and daughters were taking steps and changing. Whether they be non-members, active members, less active members, missionaries, anyone. I miss the mission so much. I grew so comfortable in it, now don't get me wrong, it was still nerve wracking to talk to someone, or I still got nervous and awkward, but I grew comfortable in that kind of social environment. And now I must a learn a new and different kind of social skill. I must learn it because I missed out on in when I was growing up, when I was a teenager. I'm not blaming God or anyone for that, but sometimes I do feel left out. I really miss myself. Who is this girl that says she is Megan DeVocht?

from the mind of ?????? - who knows?

P.S. If you find Megan please help her find me. She truly is missed.

I've been in the Orem/Provo area for the past two weeks and it has been pretty crazy. There have been so many emotions and feelings going on inside of me that I do not know what to do with myself. It's also been hard because I currently am homeless and I have been living out of my suitcases, not that that's bad, but there is so much junk in the house that it is suffocating me. Seriously. I used to be a pack rat but now I loathe junk and stuff. I have been losing things and I am always forgetting EVERYTHING!!! I even lost my missionary tag - the one I wore from day 1 in the MTC to the day that I was released by my stake president in Iowa. It's weird because it doesn't really bother me but maybe it will once I leave tomorrow for school. I don't know how to be, what to do, what to say. I am excited that I am leaving for school tomorrow with Dad. And my friend Trenton will be up there too and it will be so great to see a familiar face and a good friend. It will be nice to breathe and smell the fresh air and to just be me, Megan. I want to cry to get out all these emotions and feelings. I did cry a little bit last night and then I had my first good night's rest. And I haven't been eating that well. I haven't been eating fruits and vegetables. I haven't been studying or reading the scriptures or praying and all of this is starting to catch up on me and is affecting me. I feel really great when I am with Sade. She is my buddy. I love her so much and I will miss her so much when I go to school but it will be all right.

For the past few hours I have been listening to music and editing my play list for this very blog. Music really helps me. Helps me express myself, sort out my feelings, to really, feel these feelings. It's hard to explain.

What if you couldn't feel? What do all these feelings mean? Can you imagine if you couldn't feel sad, happy, angry, sorrowful, cheery? What do you do with yourself?