I've been in the Orem/Provo area for the past two weeks and it has been pretty crazy. There have been so many emotions and feelings going on inside of me that I do not know what to do with myself. It's also been hard because I currently am homeless and I have been living out of my suitcases, not that that's bad, but there is so much junk in the house that it is suffocating me. Seriously. I used to be a pack rat but now I loathe junk and stuff. I have been losing things and I am always forgetting EVERYTHING!!! I even lost my missionary tag - the one I wore from day 1 in the MTC to the day that I was released by my stake president in Iowa. It's weird because it doesn't really bother me but maybe it will once I leave tomorrow for school. I don't know how to be, what to do, what to say. I am excited that I am leaving for school tomorrow with Dad. And my friend Trenton will be up there too and it will be so great to see a familiar face and a good friend. It will be nice to breathe and smell the fresh air and to just be me, Megan. I want to cry to get out all these emotions and feelings. I did cry a little bit last night and then I had my first good night's rest. And I haven't been eating that well. I haven't been eating fruits and vegetables. I haven't been studying or reading the scriptures or praying and all of this is starting to catch up on me and is affecting me. I feel really great when I am with Sade. She is my buddy. I love her so much and I will miss her so much when I go to school but it will be all right.

For the past few hours I have been listening to music and editing my play list for this very blog. Music really helps me. Helps me express myself, sort out my feelings, to really, feel these feelings. It's hard to explain.

What if you couldn't feel? What do all these feelings mean? Can you imagine if you couldn't feel sad, happy, angry, sorrowful, cheery? What do you do with yourself?