Who We Are Really

Human beings are so interesting.  On the surface, or rather, on the outside appearance we seem to be just fine, all is in order.  But who we really are, our real life nightmares, our struggles, our dreams, our wishes, wants, and desires, we carry around with us, hoping to find a soul in whom we can trust and share our world with.  We try and many times we make poor judgments; we make mistakes that really hurt us.  But then there are times when we make the right choice, we find someone with whom we connect and we can open ourselves up and be vulnerable.  It's both scary and exciting.  It's such a sweet joy to be able to just be you, without holding back, without worrying what others are going to say about you, free to be you.

I absolutely love it when I find these people.  My world opens up.  I get to share me, Megan, with others and when I do, I always learn something about myself and accept more of who I truly am.

Who we see at work or school or church most likely aren't who they really are.  We hold back, because we don't want to get hurt.  And also, some people just don't care.  I'd rather open myself up to something and really connect and then lose that than baring my soul and the other person not even caring.  I guess it just kind of depends on what kind of pain you can handle.

I don't really know how people perceive me, but I do know myself and I can share some of that.

I often feel like I'm not good enough, that there are always others who can do it better or faster than me.  I feel like others have their lives not perfect, but pretty close.  I feel like I'm lost, I never know what to do with my life.  I've worked at a lot of going no where jobs.  I'm 30 years of age, but I feel like I'm somewhere in between 17-22.  I struggle with eating; and sometimes I feel like I'm being lazy or making it up because there are many times where I will look for food in the house, but I can't find anything and if I do, it's sweets; but if someone were to make it for me, I would eat it all up.  I have often felt like I'm a failure in life.  I didn't graduate from college, I don't have a career, I'm not married, I'm not even dating anyone; sometimes I feel like I'm not going anywhere, that I'm walking in circles.  Sometimes I feel so out of it, like everyone can see what a loser I am.

But, even with all of this, I strive to better myself and come closer to my Father in Heaven, my God and His Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I forgive others, I love others, I return to God when I fall off the path.  I may not have it all together, but I do try to make a difference in this world.  I try to listen to what the  Holy Spirit whispers to me; I try to be there for others.
I am so grateful for this life, the good and the ugly.  I'm grateful for friends and unexpected friends who really help me out.  I'm really grateful for my current job; it may not be a glamorous one or whatever else, but it's home, it's family.

So even though it may seem that we're all fine, most of us are probably carrying some burdens and could use a warm smile, a genuine compliment, a listening ear, and especially understanding.  I believe that this world would be a little brighter if we just tried to understand one another a little bit more.

Thanks to anyone reading this, it helps to get all these crazy emotions out.

Lots of love,
Megan :)