Every Day

I haven't written on here for quite a while. I am managing another blog, The Gratitude Project, which is an everyday thing.  Granted, it's not that difficult, I just express my gratitude for the day.  Each and every day.  Anyways, I thought that I ought to continue this blog and practice my writing.

I really do enjoy writing.  I want to be a published writer.  That is one of my goals.  But in order for me to be so, I need to write and practice writing, each and every day.  One does not acquire their dreams simply by wishing for them.  They must work hard, each and every day.  And they must sacrifice little things and big things to reach their goals.

I've been really lazy for many years now.  I've thought and fantasied too much about the outcome, what life will be like when I'm there, when I've reached the end. But life is now and it's not going to give me what I want until I do something to show how much I want it.

Joy comes from the the journey; this blog is entitled Our Journey Towards Eternal Life.  I'm focusing too much on eternal life and not the journey. But I am changing that.  Slowly, but surely, while I pay for my past mistakes and silly notions.

It matters to me a little that people read my writing.  I believe that I have a voice, a perspective that is unique and individual to the world and I want to share it with everyone.  But in the meantime, I will not let it matter to me too much who reads my writings because I am needing the practice and the discipline to write every day.

What I really want most is to be a published writer.  That's what I want.  Why is it so hard for me to admit it to myself and accept it?  Because I listen to the lies and opinions of others.  You can tell me that I won't succeed, but you don't know my determination, my stubbornness for when I really want something.  I will do almost anything to get what I want, what I really want.  And what I really want is to write and be published.  

Be Who YOU Are

Wow what a morning!  On my day off I sleep in only one hour, but that is fine by me.  I studied so much this morning - all sorts of different topics, but mostly numerology.  I studied for about two hours and when I went downstairs to get some breakfast I discovered that I had SO MUCH ENERGY!!!  I feel so intellectual today.

I'm also working on a project - well, I don't know if you could call it a project, but it's something I'm working on to improve in my life.  I realized recently that this current obstacle I am working on has been a crutch, for such a long time.  And in many ways it's been a crutch for other areas of my life that has no need for it.

Any who, I feel so invigorated this day because I'm doing my best today to be my utmost self.  I'm being MEGAN through and through - even if others don't always like it.

It's been comforting to me to hear what my friends are saying about me recently.  Don't worry, they're saying these things to my face.  And I enjoy it because I realize that this is what makes me me and it's what my friends find so attracting in me.

Some of the things they've been saying about me:

You're such a dork and that's why we love you Megan!
You're a nerd
You're a dork and we love you for it

As I type these "out loud"  I am aware that some may think that these are not compliments, but instead insults.  I can assure that they are not the latter.  I know this because I am a dork. Ha ha.  And I love it.  It's okay, I'll be the obnoxious friend but knows when to be serious and understanding.

Yon don't need to label yourself, but you also don't need to be afraid of who you truly are.  That's something that I am learning and as such I am learning to love and accept myself as I am, while working to better myself each and every day.

Writer's Block

This too, was written a few months ago.

writing - where are you? why do i feel blocked like this? why can i not write the feelings of my heart and mind? what is blocking me? Why am I blocking myself/holding myself back???

the Lord has a plan for me. I may not always be able to see how doing something is going to help me or others, but along the journey, the Lord is merciful to reveal this beautiful news to me.

The Lord's way really is the only way to true happiness.

The Thinker

   I wrote this a few months ago and read it and thought, I need to post this.

   The Thinker.  This is how I am a lot, yet people continue to think that I am sad or have fallen back into depression or that I'm becoming a recluse.  Often times I only need a few hours of socializing for me to feel satisfied.  I love people and I have definitely grown a lot and the mission definitely helped me out too.  But due to a certain job loss, I have become burn out with people.  Not friends or family, but anyone else not on my list.  I need time to recharge and refuel myself and I do that best when I am uninterrupted in my bedroom with the Internet, books, movies, journals, music and more to help me along the way (not in that particular order).
   Today I have been very pensive and I absolutely love it.  I am also learning about myself and accepting that I am more introverted than I thought, or rather more introverted than I let myself believe, believing others that being introverted is something that one must overcome, like a lingering disease.  I am learning that it is okay to be introverted, that the world very much needs introverted people to help progress the world.  And to say I must overcome these 'weaknesses' is to say that I must get rid of those obnoxious hands, they really do get in the way of so much.
  Are you saying that I must change who I am because you don't know how to behave around me?  I also think it interesting that extroverts have so much to say about introverts - how they are wrong and whatnot else - when introverts seem to keep to themselves and not put their nose in other people's lives or how they do things or why they do the things they do.

SEMPREFIDELIS

I have a dream; and I will do everything in my power to achieve it. Even if it means breaking down the walls I have built; breaking free from the prison I am trapped in; letting go of the past; facing my fears; leaving others behind, knowing that they too have dreams to pursue; trusting to fall because I know I can fly; taking a chance, not knowing if I will fail or succeed; daring to love, and to be loved; believing in myself more than the world around me; and always knowing that whatever happens, God is my constant and my life is in His loving and infinite hands.

Sempre fidelis

Sono grata per il potere di Dio. Sono grata per l'amicizia dei libri - specialmente i caratteri - mi aiutano mediante i momenti difficili. Sono grata per il potere delle parole e per questo momento di tempo - per vivere e stare. Sono cosi' benedetta adesso. Mi sento questo senso di determinazione, una comprensione di ciò che devo fare. Non conosco tutta della mia vita, cos'e' il mio futuro, ma nessuno altro lo sa anche. E se dicono diversamente, penso che stiano facendo finta. Ma credo che e ho la speranza che seguendo questo sogno vado nella direzione giusta per la mia vita. Non so come so questo; forse e' nel mio cuore, che sempre sa.

Grazie mille per tutto, per tutto il aiuto. Ti ringrazio tantissimo. Grazie, grazie, grazie!

The Wrong Help

Sometimes I feel like people are trying to pacify me, with a pacifier, when I'm actually throwing up.  But they don't see it. They literally do not see it.  And then they get mad at me for refusing to take the pacifier when it really isn't helping at all, in fact, it's making it worse.  You don't help people when you're not helping them.  When someone is throwing up, you don't give them something that will keep it in.  You help them throw up, you help them get that yucky stuff out of them, you get a towel, or a bowl, or take them to a toilet.  You rub their back, get them some tea, wash their face.  It's not pretty and it's not fun, but it's helping.  Pacifiers are quick and easy and take little to no effort on your part.  But when someone is throwing up, that takes patience, endurance, love, empathy, sacrifice, kindness, determination.  If you can't help, don't try to help at all, it may make it worse.

I am not talking about service here, I am and I'm not.  I'm talking about when someone is in a real problem, and they need the right help; if you can't give that right help, don't give the wrong help.   When someone is throwing up, don't give them a pacifier.

“You should date a girl who reads” - by Rosemarie Urquico

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

I've never done this before: shared something that someone else has written on my blog. I mean, I share small quotes, but nothing like this.  Anyways, I saw this on a site that my friend has posted and I like it so much I wanted to share it on here.   And yes, I was smiling so much as I read it, thinking, that's me, that's me!  Thank you Rosemarie for writing this beautiful piece.  

Adieu!