Finding both Hope and Courage from a Wise Friend

This was a response to one of my weekly letters to my mission president. I liked it so much that I wanted to post it up here for everyone to read because it is SO true!!! He was speaking to me, but it IS for everyone. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do:

It's always been interesting to me how the hard things we are asked to do by the Lord bring about the greatest growth in us. Learning how to work through those moments develops us in remarkable ways. It seems that you are learning that lesson too.
You are doing great. Don't be hard on yourself. I know the Lord loves you and is pleased with your effort. Keep working at it. -Presidente Dunaway

Tender Mercies from the Lord

The other day I was chilling online - like always - and I found this on facebook as an ad. I read it and for the first time in my life, instead of feeling woe is me, I got really happy and excited and wanted to really make a difference in my life and overcome this depression.

My Bad Habits of Eating aka Me Not Eating

So, I guess I really am sick. I'm hot with my sweatshirt on and cold without it on. For breakfast I had 1 salt water taffy and a tootsie roll pop-yeah, I know, super healthy. There is no food of mine in the house and I have to go up to the Crossroads to eat and that requires me getting dressed and looking nice. Ha! What am I to do. You wouldn't think that "eating" everyday is a big deal. But for me, it is. One of my sisters put some money on my I-card, aka "Dining Dollars," on the condition that I would eat there twice a day. She asked me, "Will it be a problem for you?" I thought to myself, 'no way, this will be easy.' Little did I know how difficult eating is for me. At first I just thought it was because of money issues, mainly, me not having any. But then I began to realize that NO! this is a real issue for me. I have a bad habit of NOT EATING!!! AAGGHHHH!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do to get over it. If people are with me when I'm eating, like, if I'm not doing this thing solo, then I do pretty well. Like twice, in the past few weeks all ready, I've asked a bunch of my friends if they want to get lunch at the Crossroads-that's the only place where I actually have money to spend for eating-and both times it has worked well. Yesterday, one of my friend's even offered to walk up there with me-we live really close to each other-and that helped out A LOT. I think what I need is a buddy system. "No more flying solo!" "You need someone watching your back AT ALL TIMES!!!" Am I lazy? Is it a habit that I don't know how to stop or change? What is it? It just feels like a mountain for me to climb: getting dressed; presenting myself decent; walking up to the Crossroads; choosing WHAT to eat; walking back. Call me lazy, but I don't know; I just can't get myself to do it. I really don't know. Besides, having a buddy always helps. Just knowing that someone else KNOWS and wants to and WILL help always gets me motivated. But a lot of times, I just think to myself, 'well, if no one else is involved, I can just suck it up and not fret about it.' I guess I am a social eater then? Which is kind of weird because I don't always like eating around other people. Well, at least that's what it used to be like. It obviously has changed, Megan. Maybe because I've done this for so long, not eating on a regular basis, that now it's just easier for me to not eat instead of taking care of myself. It may seem really easy to others, they might think or say, "Just eat Megan!" But it's not that simple; unfortunately so. "Nobody said it was easy." "No one ever said it would be this hard." Life is a lot deeper than we think. It's been about 5 years that I've had this not eating problem. And sometimes it's really and truly hard for me to even want to think about eating. Maybe it's a way for me to deal with my stress. Maybe, in life when there's not a lot that I can control, I want to be able to at least control something and so maybe psychologically I think that if I don't eat, then at least I'm controlling something in my life. I don't know, I really do not know. Or maybe it's just a stress issue. I am still clueless.

Possible Band Names:

• 3 Eggs and a Bowl of Cereal
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Keep Holding On

There are so many things going on inside of me. I feel like I can't write it all out so I don't, but it is eating my insides and I just really need to take the time to express myself. Perhaps, oh I don't know. It seems that when I have a really great-crazy-totally-being-myself day, the next one is like, I'm-tired-and-I-don't-want-to-be-around-people-or-really-do-anything kind of a day.

This s'mores pop tart is actually pretty tasty. The actual pop tart thingy is like a Graham cracker, and then it has marshmallow and chocolate inside. It is rather delicious : )

"Signore, resta qui con me, il giorno ormai fini'
la sera le ombre sue porto', la notte e' gia' qui
Tu l'ospite gradito sei, Ti prego di restar.
Signore, resta qui con me, che il giorno e' al tramontar;
Signore, resta qui con me, che il giorno e' al tramontar."

Can I cry on your shoulder? I think that I am completely healed and that I can do it all on my own, but I'm not quite there yet. I can do it and I can and will overcome this, but at this moment and time, I can't do it all by myself. I'm not strong enough; I need others to lean on. I want someone to lean on and I want someone else to be able to lean on me and not just one person, but many for both.

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

"Keep Holding On"

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da da
La da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Keep holding on
Keep holding on

There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

I'm going to make it through
~Megan~

Photos!!!!!!!!

Let's dance in the rain.....all night long

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.